Battling autistic life: A daily chore
22/04/2011 Leave a comment
Whether it’s doing something which is extremely trivial such as tying a shoelace or a life-changing experience like graduating from university, any achievement can be huge if it’s completed against defiance or lack of faith.
From being diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, a form of autism, at the age of nine which answered many behavioral and psychological questions, doubt has always been shown as consultants or others throughout life question any choices made on a regular basis.
Often accepting this lack of faith as a challenge to prove that adversity can be overcame through hard work and plenty of effort, great pride is felt in completing any task but it can be tricky to keep a feeling of positivity whilst trying to prove doubters wrong.
“You can’t do this.” “It’s going to be difficult.” “Are you sure that you know what you’re doing?”
So many words to make a person lose faith in themselves. So many statements which could easily make somebody feel they’re consigned to a limited chance of fulfillment in life that never need to be said.
Yes, it might be nice to ask such questions as a form of making sure correct decisions are made throughout day-to-day life but they could also be construed as a lack of hope which could crush even the smallest aspirations that anybody may have for themselves.
This may all sound extremely negative so far but there are days when everything feels like it’s out of reach, one such example being today (Friday 22nd April 2011) where any positivity felt throughout recent weeks and months suddenly vanishes without a trace!
Despite feeling pretty buoyant after an enjoyable term at Southampton Solent University and Radio Sonar, a student radio station linked with the university’s student union, bad feeling tends to have a habit of coming into thought at quieter moments where no other thoughts can occupy the mind.
Linking with an article published on My Autistic Life three weeks ago, emotions felt do not only affect academic or broadcast decisions but generally cover ways that I could be perceived by others where any actions taken may not be considered as ‘normal’ behavior.
Whether it’s experiencing a ‘meltdown’, a sudden rush of strong feelings which manifests itself through an outburst of complete panic (often at the worst possible time!) or moments where well documented autistic traits such as poor communication skills and lack of judgement when it comes to understanding other people come into play, there are times when controlling Asperger’s becomes far harder than others.
As a child, these situations occured quite often and were easily resolved but even though some developmental issues have passed over the years, many changes in adulthood can make moments of negativity and annoyance with having autism quite regular as life in the ‘real world’ moves ever closer.
There is no longer a safety blanket, a way of knowing that somebody will help to pick up the pieces if things go wrong and it’s pretty daunting to consider this when a day isn’t going too well.
Times have changed but there can be moments where it is tough to have a disability such as Asperger’s, a condition which may not be easy to understand or comprehend for anybody – even those who are trying to live with it.
Apologies for sounding grumpy but these feelings seem easier to describe when they’re being felt, something which is far tougher to think about when everything seems right with the world once again.
Everything may feel fine within a matter of hours or might take a little longer but eventually will do in a mind which can’t seem to make a solid choice between happy, content or sad!
After all, isn’t variety the spice of life?